"ummm I'm 16, thank you"

I don't care what the mirror is telling me..... I am still 16....Aren't I?

It happens to the best of us, doesn't it? That wonderful day, when we realise that teenagers look at us as....Old and ummmm so not cool.....

"WHAT!?"

"I am not old!"

"When did it happen?"

"I'm a...MOM?"

"No"

"Really?"

I can't be the only mom that sits, some days, and wonders how life happened so fast. I may be a mom, I may not be cool "anymore", but when did I become....Old?

All of a sudden, you go to a high school to watch your niece dance, and while there it dawns on you... These kids are just babies.

Isn't it funny how mature and big you feel when your in high school? Then years later it finally hits you... "Wow, these kids are just babies...I mean look at em', they are so young!" But I wasn't a baby when I was a teenager....Was I???

"Oh No! I AM old!"

Just some of my random thoughts for the day... How did life happen so fast? Now my thoughts are focused on children of my own! Wow, I really am a *whispers* big person* aren't I?

I think it is FINALLY going to happen!!!!!!

Ok so, we moved here mainly for a job out at the area. My husband got a job with a company called Con-way Trucking until the job opened out at the area. Weeeell, the job ended up getting pushed waaaaay back because of a union dispute.

The man that was going to help Luke get the job just called!!! 4 new jobs are opening this Friday, and they will be posted on Monday!!!! He is friends with the managers of all 4 jobs, and he said that he is confident he can get Luke the job!!!!!! This is WONDERFUL news for us! The job pays almost $17.00 MORE an hour than he is making now!!!!

Any ways, I am just praying, praying, praying, that nothing falls through and he gets the job! even more important than the money, my husband won't have to work nights any more! That is soooooo hard on us, so nothing would make me happier right now than for him to be home at night....

Wish us luck!

Our trip to the Pumpkin Patch!

"Goats are the coolest thing ever!" "We HAVE to get some!"
"Oh mom....This is soooo fun!"
"Look at the goats, Mom, look at em'!"

"Hi, Aunt Melissa!""Sorry, In a hurry!"

"My Pumpkin is EXTRA special Aunt Melissa!!!!It's GREEN!!!"

"I can't find my way through this maze...Oh well, I'll go over!"
I think my nose is COLD!That's OK, Mommy will keep me warm!

Our trip to the Pumpkin patch! Part 2...

Oh it's so cold...I'm so glad I have me an Ashley!

Cheese! I'm getting a Pumpkin!!!!!!

Awwwwww Mommy and Annie on the wagon to go fetch us a Pumpkin!

I found one!

Look Mommy... A PUMPKIN!!!

I'm cold....Will you pick mine?

Learning about different animal habitats...

Lily is learning about different habitats. We have been having so much fun.....

First she painted a picture of the grasslands. She included a bison, a groundhog, a Monarch butterfly, and lots of grass in the prairie....

Then she went on to make a Caterpillar on a leaf from the forest habitat.....

I don't get it...Why is my 5 year old the one being hit!?!?!?!

Just when we think that maybe it has passed, what happens? Lily reminds us that she still has so much LDS influence it's scary!
I swear it's been like 2 weeks since anything has come up. we were really starting to think that maybe it has passed.
Well, this morning has proved other wise. I asked her to say the prayer over breakfast, which she happily said "mmm K".
All was going well when out of the blue...BAM.... " Please help me to see Jesus in the Temple."

WHAT!?

In church she would hear stories about people, and sometimes children seeing Jesus in the Temple. So she knew that we were preparing to go and get sealed as a family in the Temple. Of course she was hoping and PRAYING that SHE would see Jesus in the Temple! We, not knowing better ourselves, encouraged her to pray to see Jesus.

The subject has not come up for some time now. Just out of the clear blue sky she prayed for this, this morning!

I just don't know how to handle this. These things were deemed as true, and pleasing to Heavenly Father. How do I tell my 5 year old that everything that she has been taught, that affected every aspect of her life, is wrong?!?!?! ? I mean, we were going to the Temple so that if one of us were to die, we knew we would be able to be with each other again. How do you explain that one away to a fragile 5 year old!?

I am so scared to tell my daughter any of these "truths" are not "truths" at all.

Imagine, if you will, raising your children in a very loving and very Christian home, you taught her about the love of Jesus, and about how He died on the cross for us... OK....

Then imagine you found out that some of these "truths" were wrong! Imagine as a Christian women, the way you teach your children. It is not. "well, we believe that these things are probably true".....No..... it is the way it is. God loves us, Jesus came, He Lived, He died, He rose, And He lives again!

This is the way our home was....just add the whole Temples, Prophets, Book Of Mormon....etc. etc. etc.....

If I tell her that some of these things were wrong, I am afraid that she is going to doubt and question the other things, Like, Jesus Loves us, He lived, He died, He rose again, And He lives again! She is a very inquisitive 5 year old, and she really thinks about things on a bigger level. She has always been a thinker.

I just don't know what to do....ugh....I know God will show me the way, I just hope that my 5 year old isn't damaged by or choices.

I am such a good reader mom!

I am so proud of my little Lily Pie! She is just flying right along with reading. Thought I would share how great our homeschool is going!

How fun is this to watch...I ask you?

Oh yes....This is why I love being a mom!

Poop = will someone please tell me why I keep popping out children!

Sooooo yeah..... I just went down and checked on my 3 year old son, Roman, whom I thought was napping. Only to discover that he was not napping at all....

As I walked into the room, I noticed a foul odor....

"Oh no, please tell me you didn't poop your pants Roman."

"Nope!"

"Why is it stinky in here then?"

"Ummmmmmm"...

"Roman there is poop on your sheets!"


Upon lifting his covers, what rolls off his bed? Yep, you guessed it....A big old poop!

Ugh...It's one of those days.....

Someone PLEASE remind me why I want to keep having children!

Having a homebirth...My story

As I sit here nursing my little Annabelle (Annie) I look down at her and think how glad I am that she came into this world at home, naturally...
Coming to the decision to have a home birth was not an easy one for me. I am by no means a "Hippie" nor was I ever really against hospital births.
I did not go looking for it. All I knew going into this pregnancy was that I didn't like the doctors I had with my first two children and I wanted to try a Midwife. Well I found a Midwife with a great reputation and high recommendations. So I called her and after talking to her for a while I knew I liked her, And then It happened she told me that she only did homebirths. My first thoughts were oh darn I liked her LOL!
Well after finding that there was not a single midwife that did hospital births where I lived I had a decision to make. So I called her back and made an appointment to meet her and talk a bit. When I arrived at her home the first thing I noticed through the window was a picture of Christ. Which I was really happy to see. We talked for a while and I felt really good about what she had to say. So my husband Luke and I decided we were going to do it.
The first part of my pregnancy was pretty normal everything was going great. I loved having a midwife and meeting her in her home. It was relaxed and very comfortable.
Well a bit later in my pregnancy my blood pressure started to rise. Well this was a real scare point for me. With my first child I was "diagnosed" with pre-eclamsia, was put on bed rest, and even in the hospital over night. So the fear was already put into my head early on.
At that point I started having doubts, wondering if this is really what I wanted to do. So at my next appointment I was ready to tell her I was going to see a doctor. When the time came I told her and she told me that what ever I decided was my choice and fine. She then asked me a question, What is a doctor going to do if this does get out of hand? I stopped and thought a while, and eventually said well I don't know. She said well they will put you on bed rest and probably induce you early. She had just explained my first birth.
So she said she wanted me to go on a special diet that she believed would help my blood pressure, and see me in 2 weeks instead of a month. I left feeling much better about everything.
I did what she asked. I started juicing a LOT and eating a lot of protein filled snacks like she instructed. I started to just feel good, way more energy , and my legs weren't swollen! At my next appointment I was shocked to see that my blood pressure was right back to normal! Well that was all it took to calm my fears. Unlike the doctors she wanted to fix my problem not just wait it out!
My due date was fast approaching and I felt great. I gained less weight than ever before, I had energy and was excited! When my due date came and went I was a little disappointed but still fairly patient.
One of my very best fiends Jenny had driven all night to stay with me for a week to help out with the kiddos. We were both starting to get inpatient after a few days over due but were trying our hardest to wait it out. At five days over due I woke up about 6:00 A.M. with a contraction. Hmm I thought and tried to go back to sleep, well about 8 minutes later I had another a little bit stronger! I had been having them off and on for days so I really didn't think a whole lot about it. Finally I was uncomfortable enough to get up and take a bath. They were getting stronger and even a bit closer! Could this be it, I thought? I was hopeful but still not thinking it was.
By 10:30 A.M. I was feeling them at a pretty steady pace and though I better not try and drive to my 11:00 appointment, so I asked Jenny to take me since Luke was at work.
When we arrived I told her I was having contractions all morning. While she was checking me she said "oh yeah your having one right now"! In a voice not nearly as enthused as hers I mumbled "uh huh". She said, "you're going to have this baby tonight"! "Oh wow" I thought, now I was getting excited! She said if you can, go for a walk and rest, call me when you are ready!
As soon as we got into the car and started off, they started getting really strong and were 5 minutes apart on the dot. I called Luke and said it was time to come home!!!
By the time he got there I was so glad to see him. He asked if we should call now I said "no no not yet it could be hours still". Luke and Jenny both just started laughing at the way I am and always have been, I don't want to be one of those ladies that calls to soon to find that I'm still in early labor LOL. Well by the time I was sitting on my dining room floor crouched over in pain my husband said "we're calling"! So I said, "ok let me though", So I casually got on the phone and said "Hi Liz, How are you? Well um I think it might be about that time now", she said, "ok I'll head over in a bit then".
Well about 5 minutes later the pain was getting unbearable and my husband started to get worried that she wasn't going to make it in time because we lived about a half an hour away. Labor was now in full bloom and it had already been a half an hour since we called, so Luke in a panic said "I am calling her back". She was stuck in traffic but almost there!
By the time she arrived I was in a panic because she hadn't been there. She quickly set up and checked me. While she was checking me she got a bit of a worried look on her face and said "ok your only at a 5 but don't worry it is going fast"! After hearing this I just knew I couldn't do it and started in with the good old fashioned labor whine," I changed my mind, take me to the hospital, I want the drugs"! Obviously that wasn't going to happen.
In just a few minutes I was at an 8 and just about there! Luke was sitting behind me on the floor so by this time I was doing a pretty good job of ripping his arm pits off but I had calmed down a bit.
Maybe 5 minutes later I felt like I wanted to push, so determined to meet my new little one (and yes be done with labor too) I hunkered down and gave it hell! I soon felt her head crowning and pushed with all my might, so I reached down just in time to feel her head pushed out!
At 7:00 P.M. On April 20th, 2007 Annabelle Kathleen was born at 7lbs. 9oz. She was placed right on my chest and the cord left in tacked for a while. It was a wonderful bonding time for my husband and I. My midwife was very gentle and quietly checked the baby. Everything was great! She then left us alone with our new little one to bond and get to know her. After the birth was such a different experience than a hospital birth, it was so relaxed and calm. My children came in and were so excited to see their new baby sister right there at home.
After we had bonded for a while, we signed papers, weighed the baby, and she cleaned up. Then she asked if I would like her to stay. I said no I thought everything was fine. So she went home. And we were able to just go to sleep in our own bed.
What I can tell you about a home birth is that it is a natural process to have a baby. What better place to do something natural than in the comfort of your own home!
Only you can make the best choice for you and your family but I hope that this helps you understand more about how it works.
You know the biggest question I get is, "What about the mess"? Let me tell you, there was no sign of birth any where. You order a birth kit and you have a shower liner layed down that catches everything. Your midwife does all the work in that area, and trust me you won't know that there was a birth in your home. The second question I hear is, "what if something happens"? Home births are very safe, Your midwife unlike a doctor stays with you and watches every thing very close and will know if something is going to happen. Plus if you needed say a c-section your midwife will call and tell the hospital you are coming so by the time you get there they will be ready, about the same time it would take if you were already there, they still have to prep for it. Plus a good midwife will have an EMT on call for you at time of birth. It is safe and NATURAL.
You can always contact me with any questions you have and I would be glad to help you if I can.
The best advise I could give when you are searching is Pray about it.

Unstable....

While walking up a metal ramp to a building, Lily, in a very serious tone, turns around and says, "Mommy this is really unstable, you better be careful!"
"Oh OK, thank you sweetheart!"

I just love my little Mommy!

The Little Red Hen...American style...

Once upon a time, on a farm in Virginia,there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat.

She called all of her neighbors together and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat.

Who will help me plant it?"

"Not I," said the cow.

"Not I," said the duck.

"Not I," said the pig.

"Not I," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen and so she did.

The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain.

"Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.

"Not I," said the duck.

"Out of my classification," said the pig.

"I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.

"I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did.

At last it came time to bake the bread.

"Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen.

"That would be overtime for me," said the cow.

"I'd lose my welfare benefits," said the duck.

"I'm a dropout and never learned how," said the pig.

"If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination," said the goose.

"Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen.

She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see.

They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share.

But the little red hen said, "No, I shall eat all five loaves."

"Excess profits!" cried the cow. (Nancy Pelosi)

"Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer)

"I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson)

The pig just grunted in disdain. (Jimmy Carter)

And they all painted "Unfair!" picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.

Then a government agent came. He said to the little red hen, "You must not be so greedy."

"But I earned the bread," said the little red hen."Exactly," said the agent. "That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle."

And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, "I am grateful, for now I truly understand."

But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again baked bread, because she joined the "party" and got her bread free.

And all the Democrats smiled. "Fairness" had been established. Individual initiative had died, but nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared ... so long as there was free bread that "the rich" were paying for.

Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs. Hillary got $8 million for hers. That's $20 million for the memories from two people, who for eight years, repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't remember anything.

IS THIS A GREAT BARNYARD OR WHAT?

My decision to leave....My LDS faith

I have come to a cross road in my life that has presented me with a lot of confusion, and a lot of difficult decisions....My faith.
My husband and I have recently discovered that we can no longer push aside issues that we have with our faith. God was speaking to us, He was telling us that something was wrong.
If you have never been a member of The LDS church, You could not possibly understand exactly how it affects every aspect of your life, nor would I expect you too. It is not just deciding not to go to that church any more. It is a decision to leave your life as you know it, while still holding onto the thoughts of not being with your family after you die, that have been ground into your head so deep that you will probably not be able to loose the anxious feelings for the rest of your life.
A huge area of hardship has been letting the people I know around me that we have made this huge leap of faith, and have left the LDS church. My two best friends, that are my biggest support system, are members of the church still, which has provided us with an odd void in our relationship. There are so many things that you do not do when you are LDS, or that you do do, that it is a must to let people around you know when you come to this decision. For example, you have callings in the church, or for those that do not understand "jobs", so if you cannot fulfill these callings you must let people know. Plus visiting teaching...etc....
It has been very difficult, but I have finally let almost everyone know, and trust me the reaction was not exactly positive. But I have come to the conclusion that this blog entry is a must. I have to get this out there, I cannot in any way shape or form "pretend" to be Mormon any more.
My reasons for leaving the church are many, but the main and most important reason is because I knew that I had lost my relationship with Jesus Christ, and God was telling me that he is not my business partner but that he loved me. I am not expected to be perfect, but I am expected to repent. the Bible tells us over and over again that we gain salvation through the atonement of Jesus Christ, not by obedience. Romans 3:20 says that no one can ever be made right in God's sight by doing what the law commanded.
Rom 3:20
Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law [is] the knowledge of sin.

This presents a huge problem with what I have learned in the church.
Verse 28 concludes that faith in Jesus Christ is what brings salvation. Not obedience.
Rom 3:28
Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law.

Also upon reading the Bible, I knew that I could no longer believe that God was once a man, and that we are striving to become a God ourselves.
It is so clear to me now...
" I am the same yesterday, today , and tomorrow" !
This cannot be if God was once a man.

I will not go on about why why I left the church, but I had to get this off my chest, that I am no longer a member of the LDS church. I guess technically I am, but I don't know what will happen with that. I have been to the Temple, so I do not know if I will be excommunicated or not, but as far as our minds and our hearts, we are no longer members of the church. My heart is back where it should be.
For the Christian women that read this, please pray for me, please pray that God will show my family peace and strength. Or if you are not Christian but believe or pray, please pray for me, I need it now more that ever.
God has been speaking to me, and for the first time in my life, it is loud and clear. Luke and I went out of this thinking that we don't think that they are a bad thing, just a little off on a few things. We have been praying and studying, and now know that these things that are being taught to people are in direct violation of what God has told us. We said, that we would never tell any of our Mormon friends why we came to the point where we were, but rather just tell them we don't want to get into it. We decided that because we did not want to "challenge" any ones faith. Missionaries still come over, we always tell them that we do not want to challenge any ones faith. As much as I want to stick to this "motto", God is VERY loudly saying "ummmm challenge it please". God is speaking to me, I don't know if he wants me to speak up about these things for our sake or for others, I just know that I must do what my heart is telling me is right. Everywhere we are God is telling me this. In church, sermons are speaking loud and clear. When we are reading our children's Bible at night before bed, the stories are EXACTLY what we need to hear. When we start talking to some one about something way off subject, what we need comes up. Everywhere God is saying... Trust me! Trust me and you WILL find peace! I brought you to where you are, I have a plan TRUST ME!.... I know that I must let people know about our journey into this religion. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, don't want to. But I know that above all else, I have to learn to trust God, and that he has a plan. I must let him use me how He has planned.
Concluding this, I can say for the first time in my life, and mean it from the bottom of my heart, GOD IS SO GOOD! He is my rock and my salvation, without Him... I am nothing. I FINALLY, after a lot of pig headed-ness, Get it....He IS the most important thing in my life....In every ones life...It just depends on if you can let go and say..."YES, you are God, huh? I guess you know what you are talking about after all"....

I want booooo boooooo!!!!!!!

As we walk into the house of a couple that we have recently met, who have invited us for dinner, I think to myself, " Ok, as long as they don't show everyone what the Good Lord intended for them to keep in their pants, no one pukes, and no one announces that Mommy & Daddy have said naughty words when body parts become smashed or cut etc., we should be ok.So, half way through the night my 18 month old, whom still nurses, decides not only that she is cranky, but that she wants to nurse, and she wants to nurse NOW...So what, you ask, does she do??? She proceeds to scream at the top of her lungs that she wants boooo booooo and tries to rip my shirt from my body!