Yet another wonderful effect....

I have been reading a lot lately about the effects of leaving a cult. WOW! Let me tell you what, It is amazing how so many people are going through the same things as my family! Luke and I have always been so close and never really had much in the way of problems, but this has been so hard on our family life. It's like we have to go back to the way things were before we ever joined "the church". It's almost as if we stopped growing as human beings and as man and wife for the entire time we were members. Does this make sense? I don't know how to explain it. We were so into doing everything the "right" way and being the perfect Mormon family, it's like we just stopped growing. Now we have left and its like we have taken a major step backwards in our family life. We were both so burnt out on being "perfect" we just wanted to be blaaa for a while, ya know? I am so frustrated with this all, I just want to scream! For the entire time we were members we had an answer for everything. What we can do, what we can't do, what we should be doing etc. If we didn't know, we asked, and bet your bottom, there was an answer. Ugh...

Our family changed so much when we joined the church, and not all of it was a negative change. We became very close and did all of the right things like pray together all of the time and read our scriptures daily, and do a family night once a week etc. All we wanted to do was please God, which we thought we were doing. We lived extremely wholesome lives, no alcohol, tobacco, nothing that could be considered sinful, I guess. Well when we left, we still wanted to please God but we were also going through a separation time from the church, so one of the first things we did was go buy a sweet tea...I know, I know waaahoooo were wild ones huh? But to a good Mormon family this was HUGE! This is strictly against the Word Of Wisdom (a Mormon rule so to say), and it was so liberating I guess you could say. Next of course came the 6 pack of beer, we had sooo much fun that night, it was like we were kids again sneaking around lol. Of course, i don't see a problem with doing any of these things, but it started a whole routine of not wanting to do anything that came along with joining the church. We just became so relaxed about everything that we became kind of lazy I suppose. This makes me crazy, I want that life, not the life of having to be "perfect" and Mormon, but the family life we had. Now that we don't have that strain to do everything just so or our family isn't going to be in heaven together for all of eternity, it is so hard to start that growing process again. Like I was saying before, it is like we are back at square one, but this time there is no pressure to be there. I swear, it's like we literally lost all of that time out of our lives and we are starting back at the day we joined.
I am at a loss right now, and probably just rambling because I am so frustrated. Luke and I are butting heads constantly right now which is so not like us. I am frustrated that our family life has changed so much, and he is so burnt out on all of it, we are both just clashing like you wouldn't believe. Ugh...
Well, thanks for reading, I hope that this made a little bit of sense to everyone who reads it, I know I am rambling like a mad women, but it feels good to get it off my chest so thanks for reading ;)